It's very frequent that people ask me HOW I manage to homeschool SIX kids..my normal answer is "we manage together and really enjoy it. And yes once a week I want to rip my hair out and drop them off at the nearest public school." Yep it is hard. I want my kids to be well rounded, intelligent, independent, caring, advanced, all of those things that we think kids should be but I also want them to be happy, to know that I am here for them 24/7, but most of all to KNOW Jesus for themselves. I'm not saying that this can't all be accomplished in public school or with a working mom but for our family it is what we feel God wants for us, at this time. Many many many times I have gotten on Instagram and seen some amazing project another homeschool mom did with her kids, or I've gotten on Pinterest and found craft ideas that just frustrate the heck out of me, or I can get on Facebook and see what a few of the homeschool group's are studying and how horrible of a mom I am in comparison. If it's a day that I'm feeling pretty good and accomplished, meaning we are not all in pajamas and we've enjoyed learning and the house is clean, then I could still get on Facebook and get bummed out because I didn't do as good as someone else did. I start to feel really defeated. My attitude gets pretty darn awful and I find myself in WANT. I want ______ because it would make our house prettier, I want ________ because it would make me happier or my kids happier, whatever it is I want want want. I try to control things that are honestly out of my control, and should be. And on the worst day, I get it in my head that I am absolutely ruining my kids' lives and they will be total dummies with no hope. Seriously!!! Sounds crazy but I've cried over this more than once. I'm saying all of this because I'm being honest. I know I'm not alone in these thoughts. And I'm saying all of this because yesterday was a moment where I thought I might ruin my oldest daughter's teen years if she doesn't have an Instagram.
Yep. So I decided to take a shower(my quiet place) and ask God what He thought. SEPARATE UNTO ME. very clearly. Now maybe this just makes sense in the place I'm at right now but it hit me hard! Since November He has shaken things up in my life individually. Of course our lives have been shaken up as a family these past 6 years from marriage to babies born to foster parenting and in adoption, but these last few months I have felt shaken individually, if that makes sense.
"See that you do not refuse Him that speaks ... Now He has promised saying "yet once more I shake not only the earth but also heaven." Now this, "yet once more," indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. " Romans 12:25-28
When we get uncomfortable or even experience chaos in our lives, we can look at those circumstances and think how bad they are or we can remind ourselves that God shakes things up before He does something NEW. We can even have JOY in suffering because we are excited to see what He does. He can remove every single thing that has been created or man made so that we will see what remains, the things which cannot be shaken! In November I literally cried to my husband that I was mad at God because I felt He was so harshly removing something from my grip. But what was in my grip was something I was never intended to hold anyways. And He holds it better than I could, because it was causing my hands to be clenched. He freed up my grip. I am so thankful.
I read this in my Jesus Calling devotional: "the only thing you can grasp without losing your soul, is MY hand ." The things I try to keep in my grip are rooting within me resentment, discontent, fear, stress, and worry. None of these things blessed me. Sometimes God has to remind us who He is so He can bless us. He shook me up to do a NEW thing.
When I got out of the shower I started studying the book of Haggai. I've only skimmed through it before and even though it is super short, it is packed with the knock you to your butt kind of stuff I need!
The Israelites had just returned from their captivity in Babylon, their plan was to build a new temple in Jerusalem. They kind of just got distracted by their own lives and needs and put off the temple construction. I'm not kidding, as I studied this last night I received text messages that distracted me and worried me, and right now as I type this my phone is going off with more of another shaky situation. I KNOW without a doubt that God is telling me to think about what's consuming my time and my thoughts, to return to the passion and hunger I had for HIM because He always is faithful. While I do not need to physically build a temple to worship God or sacrifice to Him, I need to spiritually build that temple in my heart and worship Him with my obedience and sacrifices of my thoughts and desires. He will dwell where He is welcome.
"Consider your ways!....you looked for much but indeed it came to little; and when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? Says The Lord of hosts. Because of My house that is in ruins, while every one of you runs to his own house. " Haggai 1::9
I can look in so many directions and fill my time. How many times a day do I pass by my Bible but go do something else? How many times a day do I worry instead of going to God in prayer? The Israelites were putting efforts into the cosmetics of their homes all the while passing by the ruined temple. I can put together lesson plans, do the best crafts, make my kid a spelling bee champ, but it will be shaken away, it is all temporary. The heavens can not be shaken. God in my heart can not be shaken. Jesus in my children's hearts can not be removed. Time to rebuild that temple, like yesterday.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Collecting my marbles
I felt like I needed to start journaling and blogging again for a few reasons.
1. Life is flying by! I'm not one of those moms that can scrapbook or keep an up to date baby book SO this eases my guilt and terror of not remembering my kids' childhood.
2. I have my kids with me 24/7. They are like my ducklings, my crew, my BFF's, that being said, mama needs a place to collect the marbles rolling around in her head.
There are other beautiful things that unfold when we can get our thoughts down; big ah ha moments. I don't want to share these things because I think I'm brilliant or even a good writer, I desire God to use me and my triumphs and failures to make into something that He can be glorified in and for others to see Him in the ordinary.
So...What's going on right now in my life? A few things we are praying about that I will keep to myself for now BUT there is something super awesome I would love to share. Let me take you back 10 years ago to a 17 year old me that knew fun and rebellion a little too well. Perfect teen mom statistic story, I looked to fill a void and I found the temporary solution in a boy. That 17 year old me grew up quickly and became a mom to a beautiful baby girl. Looooong story short-that temporary void filler wasn't gonna cut it for me. I found myself in a church at the end of my rope. It was there that my creator met me where I was. He collected my tears, assured me that He took the weight of the cross for my sins, and He had a plan for me and my little girl. Jesus made Himself known as the One who convicted my heart and picked up the pieces and made a dwelling there that He would never leave. Never had I seen life so clear. Never had I had such hope. Never had I felt so whole. What I want to share about this is not that I came out "better and stronger", it's the fact that God does not waste. My sins were my choice. Sure I had a great family that would support me through motherhood, I had great opportunities, but nothing eternal. My hope has no end, it doesn't come and go with circumstances.
Now, in a true beauty from ashes story, I am being given the opportunity to share this with teen moms. I'm in the beginning stages of becoming a leader for YoungLives. It's an amazing ministry that holds fun events for teen moms to just be kids again and then through the leaders they are shown the love of Jesus. I'd love it if you would pray for these girls and their babies.
Maybe there is something that lurks in your life to remind you of your past pain? Your past betrayals? Something you just can't forgive someone for? Or even yourself? We can dig ourselves into a pretty desperate spot, whether it's a true physical threat or our feelings..God has no plan to leave you there. Maybe He won't take it all away instantly but I do know He will meet you there, and He will stay, as long as He is welcome. Suffering and hardships are imminent in this world, but it's important to remember that there are others who have also walked these roads, fallen in these pits of pain..Jesus did too. What would Jesus do is a great question-what did He do when He sweat blood, His heart was broken, He was betrayed, and then had a gruesome physical death in His very near future?
He prayed. He asked for a way out. He plead with the Father to forgive those who wronged Him. And, He submitted to God's will.
God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
Rest in the fact that God can turn your ashes into beauty.
1. Life is flying by! I'm not one of those moms that can scrapbook or keep an up to date baby book SO this eases my guilt and terror of not remembering my kids' childhood.
2. I have my kids with me 24/7. They are like my ducklings, my crew, my BFF's, that being said, mama needs a place to collect the marbles rolling around in her head.
There are other beautiful things that unfold when we can get our thoughts down; big ah ha moments. I don't want to share these things because I think I'm brilliant or even a good writer, I desire God to use me and my triumphs and failures to make into something that He can be glorified in and for others to see Him in the ordinary.
So...What's going on right now in my life? A few things we are praying about that I will keep to myself for now BUT there is something super awesome I would love to share. Let me take you back 10 years ago to a 17 year old me that knew fun and rebellion a little too well. Perfect teen mom statistic story, I looked to fill a void and I found the temporary solution in a boy. That 17 year old me grew up quickly and became a mom to a beautiful baby girl. Looooong story short-that temporary void filler wasn't gonna cut it for me. I found myself in a church at the end of my rope. It was there that my creator met me where I was. He collected my tears, assured me that He took the weight of the cross for my sins, and He had a plan for me and my little girl. Jesus made Himself known as the One who convicted my heart and picked up the pieces and made a dwelling there that He would never leave. Never had I seen life so clear. Never had I had such hope. Never had I felt so whole. What I want to share about this is not that I came out "better and stronger", it's the fact that God does not waste. My sins were my choice. Sure I had a great family that would support me through motherhood, I had great opportunities, but nothing eternal. My hope has no end, it doesn't come and go with circumstances.
Now, in a true beauty from ashes story, I am being given the opportunity to share this with teen moms. I'm in the beginning stages of becoming a leader for YoungLives. It's an amazing ministry that holds fun events for teen moms to just be kids again and then through the leaders they are shown the love of Jesus. I'd love it if you would pray for these girls and their babies.
Maybe there is something that lurks in your life to remind you of your past pain? Your past betrayals? Something you just can't forgive someone for? Or even yourself? We can dig ourselves into a pretty desperate spot, whether it's a true physical threat or our feelings..God has no plan to leave you there. Maybe He won't take it all away instantly but I do know He will meet you there, and He will stay, as long as He is welcome. Suffering and hardships are imminent in this world, but it's important to remember that there are others who have also walked these roads, fallen in these pits of pain..Jesus did too. What would Jesus do is a great question-what did He do when He sweat blood, His heart was broken, He was betrayed, and then had a gruesome physical death in His very near future?
He prayed. He asked for a way out. He plead with the Father to forgive those who wronged Him. And, He submitted to God's will.
God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
Rest in the fact that God can turn your ashes into beauty.
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